The numbers of blogs are increasing in number, as I am jobless right now, and I use these idle hours/ moments to pen down my thoughts, that jus come and go. And when you are jobless, the mind wanders; and mine wanders thru the days of joys and sorrows, and instead of concentrating more on the blissful days rather than the duller ones, I wander to those depressing days in my life- and is that the thirst for anger and revenge that I see in me???No, there’s nothing wrong with me!! I’m just human, not an angel or a saint. I have emotions. Emotions that have been clinging to my soul like barbed wire for so many years, and tearing away my skin. The anger and the thirst for revenge were things that were suppressed deep, deep inside, something which I swore not to release, as I knew its consequences. The impact might even bring me down with the rest.
But it’s been a burden, just like the ring in ‘The Lord of the rings’. You are happy that you have it safely hidden inside you, yet you carry the burden. But now, how do you unleash it??? Prayers, strike back or something else??
I tried to develop a course to eliminate the anger and the pain- the volcanic emotions erupted in small portions at the wrong time and directed at the wrong person!! Can I jus take the revenge and finish everything?? No. The ones who have hurt me have moved on, some have forgotten them as old shhool day gimmicks; some would have regretted about it later. How would I know?? When they hurt me, I jus retreated back and wrapped myself into a cocoon, and to avoid contact with the world, yet moaning about it from time to time. Neither did I pray for them, nor did I react, silly fool that’s me. The world looked different, clouded, wicked and heartless.
I fought back, a fight that lasted years- yes, it took a while to move the dark clouds aside to see the world as it is, with the mix of good and bad; and it worked. Yippee, it worked. I was normal and ready to take the world once again!! The later years of teenage were years of learning and unlearning. With the experience that I had, I learnt to be cautious and alert, yet be myself- some traits that were definitely me!! But the hurt remained still. And as the years have passed, I've taken the memories along with me!!
There’s only one thing that can help me now. Let bygones be bygones. I only keep the lessons that I learnt during my stint with the dark clouds. I can just try this, yet as mentioned above, its not simple. But no pain……… No gains. So here am I, all set to take the pain to gain a happy life!!! Wish me luck, LIFE!!!!
