Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Forgive and forget

The numbers of blogs are increasing in number, as I am jobless right now, and I use these idle hours/ moments to pen down my thoughts, that jus come and go. And when you are jobless, the mind wanders; and mine wanders thru the days of joys and sorrows, and instead of concentrating more on the blissful days rather than the duller ones, I wander to those depressing days in my life- and is that the thirst for anger and revenge that I see in me???

No, there’s nothing wrong with me!! I’m just human, not an angel or a saint. I have emotions. Emotions that have been clinging to my soul like barbed wire for so many years, and tearing away my skin. The anger and the thirst for revenge were things that were suppressed deep, deep inside, something which I swore not to release, as I knew its consequences. The impact might even bring me down with the rest.

But it’s been a burden, just like the ring in ‘The Lord of the rings’. You are happy that you have it safely hidden inside you, yet you carry the burden. But now, how do you unleash it??? Prayers, strike back or something else??

I tried to develop a course to eliminate the anger and the pain- the volcanic emotions erupted in small portions at the wrong time and directed at the wrong person!! Can I jus take the revenge and finish everything?? No. The ones who have hurt me have moved on, some have forgotten them as old shhool day gimmicks; some would have regretted about it later. How would I know?? When they hurt me, I jus retreated back and wrapped myself into a cocoon, and to avoid contact with the world, yet moaning about it from time to time. Neither did I pray for them, nor did I react, silly fool that’s me. The world looked different, clouded, wicked and heartless.

I fought back, a fight that lasted years- yes, it took a while to move the dark clouds aside to see the world as it is, with the mix of good and bad; and it worked. Yippee, it worked. I was normal and ready to take the world once again!! The later years of teenage were years of learning and unlearning. With the experience that I had, I learnt to be cautious and alert, yet be myself- some traits that were definitely me!! But the hurt remained still. And as the years have passed, I've taken the memories along with me!!

There’s only one thing that can help me now. Let bygones be bygones. I only keep the lessons that I learnt during my stint with the dark clouds. I can just try this, yet as mentioned above, its not simple. But no pain……… No gains. So here am I, all set to take the pain to gain a happy life!!! Wish me luck, LIFE!!!!

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

My first trip via air

Hoi!! Finally I have fulfilled the dream of traveling by air. All Thanks to the ‘god’s gift to the middle class people’- Low cost airlines! The trip from Bangalore to Chennai in ‘Spicejet’, though a short trip, helped me take in all the pleasures of the ride. From the check-in, the boarding pass and the security checks, all which were only observed in movies and television till date, all seemed cool. To the public around me, this was nothing, but daily routine. But to me, it was quite thrilling!!!

The not-so clean restrooms nor the litter here and there could not dampen my enthusiasm. Even watching TV from the waiting counter seemed nice (he he). As I was waiting, I used the time to observe the crowd and realized that unlike our railway stations, the situation was quite calmer. Atleast no worries about finding a place to sit, or booking the window seat etc.

As we were directed towards the flight on a Spicejet van, I took in the beauty of the runway and the other aircrafts takin off and landing. My friend was quite amused by the bubbling excitement. By the time I got inside the aircraft, and welcomed by the airhostess, I was in Cloud #9 already. I found my seats, which was the third row from the entry. Realised that there was hardly enough place for my long legs (blame it on the height or the low cost airlines). My friend told me that the other airlines had better leg space and seater capacity, and of course a bigger rate.

The take off was zimbly amazing. My co-passenger was a scary freako who tried to divert my attention, as the plane took off. Though butterflies were running around my stomach, I was not ready to look anywhere else other then the window, which would show me the pristine white clouds flowing around. At times, I felt I was in heaven (thanks to all these images depicted by television and movies), and wanted to just walk around the clouds and aim at the stars beyond (fantasy spook). We were offered water and sweets by a rather sweet looking air hostess, who then proceeded to give safety instructions. In between, we were requested to tighten our seat belts because of the turbulent weather outside; at first I couldn’t see anything except white n white everywhere. Gradually, things began to look clear, and I could see the cars and the buildings on earth which looked like a toddler’s toy box.

Within half an hour,(unfortunately, as my dil maaangeddddd more) we reached Chennai. I felt elated to walk past the numerous relatives and taxi drivers awaiting the passengers. The moment I crossed the airport doors, I felt the heat pouncing on me. But before I could swear about the weather, we were welcomed by the rain gods, which made way to the parched soils of Chennai. But the moment was short lived as my friend told me that Chennai would turn all muddy with the rain, and it took Ravin 1.5 hours to reach the airport to pick us up. Phew!!!